set. 2018
Anno 02
Il Cuore a nudo 25 ottobre 2017

Attraversando le ombre della ricerca del sé

Perché gli spettri ti possiedano
non c’è bisogno di essere una stanza
Non c’è bisogno di essere una casa
La mente ha corridoi che vanno oltre
Lo spazio materiale  
Assai più sicuro, un incontro a Mezzanotte,
con un fantasma esterno
piuttosto che con il suo riscontro interiore
quell’ospite più freddo. 
Assai più sicuro, attraversare al galoppo un’abbazia
Rincorsi dalle pietre
Piuttosto che incontrare, disarmati,
in solitudine il proprio io. 
L’io che si nasconde dietro l’io
Una scossa ben più terrorizzante
di un assassino in agguato
nella propria casa.
Il corpo prende a prestito una rivoltella
spranga la porta
senza accorgersi di uno spettro
più altero o peggio.
Emily Dickinson

 

Il dolore e la fuga. Una condizione senza tempo, parole affilate come una lama di una spada che senza esitazioni trova il cuore pulsante e vitale, e centra il suo bersaglio. La meticolosità e la precisione di chi ricerca l’essenziale perché è l’essenziale il senso del tutto.
Chi è in ricerca non ama le cortine dorate dell’illusione ma è disposto a correre il rischio di perdersi nei propri labirinti interiori, per assaporare il gusto inconfondibile della verità del proprio essere.

Percorrere seriamente questa discesa negli abissi significa essere pervasi dalla passione cocente, bruciante e indomita per la domanda su ciò che Io sono. Chi è veramente quell’essere che abita nel profondo di me? Qual è la mia vera identità?
Questa ricerca così appassionate, profonda e viscerale instilla una dedizione alla quale è quasi impossibile sottrarsi: il nodo nevralgico dell’esistenza si gioca precisamente su quel punto in bilico tra il cedere e il fuggire. Andare avanti o retrocedere. Proprio perché la posta in gioco è alta, il prezzo da scontare lo è altrettanto. Scommettere su questo il senso di una vita, credendoci, richiede una radicalità interiore con tinte molto forti, paesaggi fatti di ombre fittissime ma anche di aperture di luce immense.

Pericoloso addentrarsi in questi solchi oscuri dell’anima senza sviluppare nel contempo una capacità di affidamento. Come le parole della Dickinson evocano, esiste la tentazione di sprangare l’ospite più freddo, proiettandolo così all’esterno, e fuggendo in corsa al galoppo. Oppure al contrario di affrontarlo, rischiando tuttavia di perdersi tra le maglie di una rete troppo spessa e troppo fitta. Esiste un’altra via per dissotterrare il tesoro nascosto – il cuore dell’uomo? – sospesa tra il rimanere imprigionati nei corridoi della mente e la fuga terrorizzante? Le parole di Martin Buber sono in questo senso illuminanti:

Il ritorno decisivo a se stessi è nella vita dell’uomo l’inizio del cammino, il sempre nuovo inizio del cammino umano. Ma è decisivo, appunto, solo se conduce al cammino: esiste infatti anche un ritorno a se stessi sterile, che porta solo al tormento, alla disperazione e a ulteriori trappole
(Buber, M., Il cammino dell’uomo, Edizioni Qiqajon, p. 23).

L’io che si nasconde dietro l’io, usando ancora le parole della poetessa, condensa in sé l’indesiderato, il taciuto, il rimosso, la vergogna e il non riconosciuto. È freddo e ghiacciato, talvolta ha un sapore metallico, ha una forma, un odore e una consistenza ma rappresenta solo una tappa intermedia, presso la quale non si può né a lungo sostare, né passare semplicemente oltre. Procurarsi l’olio della lampada, come vergini sagge in attesa, aiuta nella discesa a sfiorare con le dita i contorni di questa sagoma, mentre lentamente si staglia dal fondo oscuro, in attesa che lo sguardo si abitui alla luce.  Così l’indesiderato, il taciuto, il rimosso e la vergogna sono solo dei tratti ma non l’intera figura. Anzi, ancor di più, essi le appartengono ma nell’insieme, come in un dipinto, restituiscono un’immagine complessiva che ha bisogno di tutti i colori per essere definita.

Così la domanda sul senso di sé e della propria identità non può trovare risposta esaustiva se ogni parte di sé rimane scissa dalle altre, frammentata e in ombra.
Ma in fondo, qual è la tela? Ovvero qual è il sostrato sul quale ogni parte trova la sua armonia con le altre? Questo Io sconosciuto, che si rivela procedendo, guidato da una luce che di volta in volta illumina il passo successivo, può essere definito? C’è qualcosa di definito che aspetta di essere scoperto? O è la scoperta stessa che plasma questa figura come un vaso d’argilla?
Sono questioni alle quali è difficile rispondere e forse anche la risposta stessa, così come la sua ricerca, non si lascia incastonare. Tuttavia lasciarsi guidare, sfidando il proprio raggio di azione e previsione, spalancando i corridoi angusti della mente, assottigliando via via le ombre più dense, significa tendere e avvicinarsi a qualcosa che di per sé sfugge ma nel suo sfuggire si lascia pur intravedere, alimentando così, come un tizzone col fuoco, quel desiderio struggente di infinito e di assoluto. Anelito ma anche nostalgia di una profondità che è ben oltre tutte le cose e che niente al mondo ha l’ardire di eguagliare. Una sete che mai trova soddisfazione, finché le labbra non si accostano a quella fonte. Qualcosa che l’uomo da sempre osa definire come mistero e che non ha mai spesso di ricercare, malgrado tutto.
Occorre tuttavia saper esser pronti e sciogliere gli ormeggi. L’ospite più freddo non è l’unico che ci attende, affidiamoci al mistero che ci richiama e procediamo oltre, accompagnati dal fremito dell’ignoto ma senza troppo indugiare. Lasciamo ciò che è giunto il tempo di lasciare. Non conosciamo ciò che stiamo cercando ma nemmeno ciò che credevamo di essere. Come Shakespeare lascia dire ad Amleto:

Noi sfidiamo i presagi. C’è una speciale provvidenza nella caduta di un passero. Se è ora, non è a venire. Se non è a venire, sarà ora. Se non è ora, pure è a venire. Essere pronti è tutto. Poiché nessun uomo sa nulla di ciò che lascia, che è lasciare prima del tempo? Sia come sia.
 

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http://www.humuspoetico.it/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/a1ac8677c4a4100624e29de278abba36.jpg
di Maila Arelli
Sono nata nel 1982 a Roma, città in cui ho studiato storia dell’arte e in seguito filosofia, concludendo poi il mio percorso accademico a Berlino. Nutro un profondo amore per la lingua tedesca e per la Germania, Paese a cui devo moltissimo dal punto di vista della mia crescita personale. La ricerca interiore e spirituale, spesso molto problematica e conflittuale, mi provoca e mi spinge a trovare e ritrovare continuamente un senso profondo che dia significato alla mia esistenza.